BoneCraft Characters

Captain Forth Worth

BoneCraft Characters - Captain Fort Worth

Fort’s lusty ways caught up with him when he was sentenced to a life in prison for interstellar solicitation in the 4th degree after being caught with C3P-Ho. His only escape from prison was to become a hired gun for The Republic Dominion Federation of Empires. Encased in Wrangler Armor, he was tasked with killing the galaxy’s most heinous criminals and terrorists.

“I’m about to cast a spell on your face.”

“Pardon me ma’am, but you got strong looking knees.”

“God Damn boy, if you only knew- I’ve licked more pussy then Lubbock’s got hairs on his balls.”

“Just imagine, if you, just by accident, stumbled across a whore. She’s got eight tits, three of em’ lactating, two tongues, one on each ball, and can accommodate your dick in her ass, pussy and her mouth all at the same time!”

“Swampy, you known me a long time, you discharging piece of horny green meat. And you know, the one thing you can’t keep from a rattlesnake dirt-bag like me, is the smell of an elf’s vaginy.”

Lubbock

BoneCraft Characters - Lubbock from BoneCraft

Prison-bound for life for Sexual Assault on a Space Cow, Lubbock became the head of the Captain Fort Worth fan club while they shared a cell. Lubbock has risen through the ranks of the Wranlgers though sheer luck and ass-kissing, and is now second in command to Fort.

“I hope Jesus isn’t watching.”
“Careful to not get a nut stuck in there.”
“Captain, remember that time we tag teamed a Wookie?”
“I’m under direct orders to get my dick wet.”
“My number two disposal function broke.”
“You was bringing it home right into an elf chick’s hanger but damned if you couldn’t get docking clearance.”
“Captain, there’s hunks of burning rocks falling out of the sky. And they got real big penises.”

SexBot

BoneCraft Characters - FoxBot from BoneCraft

Created for safety and pleasure by The Republic Dominion Federation of Empires, the SexBot is the epitome of fucking technology. During long voyages, Wranglers spend most of their off-duty time waiting in the long line to get their satisfaction.

“Low testosterone levels, fucking me would be highly advisable.”
“Please be sure to safely remove hardware.”
“Executing program Dick Suck.”

FoxBot

Fox Bot from BoneCraft

Originally designed by Spacely Sprockets, the second generation Rosie the FoxBot was the Model-T of the Fuck Bot industry.

“I have been so honored to service you all these years.”

Willy “Chicken Shit” Hudson

BoneCraft Characters - Willy Hudson Space Wrangler from BoneCraft

Forced into service by the monetary burden of supporting his many wives. After numerous complaints of “wanting out of this chicken shit outfit,’ he was forcefully reassigned to Captain Fort Worth’s service. His official response was, “At least it’s a cunt hunt and not another bug hunt.”

“All I see is eyes and teeth. They’re all around us man, Jesus!”
“Hey, maybe you haven’t been keeping up on current events, but you’re getting fucked.”

Mack “NIbbles” Tyson

Mack Tyson Space Wrangler in BoneCraft

Too wild and horny for the Intergalactic Penal Colony, Tyson was sentenced to Captain Fort’s service with a warning to the rest of the crew: watch your ears and your assholes.

“Watch me impregnate this defense.”
“Where’s Soda Pop for the wobbly H when you need him.”
“They call me the knock-up kid.”

Clint Westwood

Clint Westwood Space Wrangler in BoneCraft

A throwback to when the galaxy was nothing more than a saloon and two hitching posts, Clint is the old timer of the Wranglers.

“You gotta ask yourself one question. Am I getting lucky? Well, am I bitch!?”
“Shut your fucking face… Wait, I mean open it.”

Arnold

Arnold Space Wrangler in BoneCraft

After shooting an innocent kindergartener during a routine arrest, Arnold was reassigned to the Wranglers.

“Get to the chopper – I mean spaceship, now!”
“Prepare to be sperminated.”

Macho

Macho Space Wrangler in BoneCraft

Legend of the Galaxy Wide Wrestling Federation, he left on a pilgrimage to find his lost master, the koolade guy, and finish his training.

“Keep snapping on my slim jim.”

Bush

Bush Space Wrangler in BoneCraft

After totally fucking the whole Middle Eastern part of the galaxy, Bush abandoned presidency of the Intergalactical Oil Federation to continue his personal hunt for alien terrorists. One day he went looking for a bologna sandwich and the next thing he knew, he and Fort were doing lines off of SexBot’s ass. He decided to stay once he found out terrorists were involved.

“Get ready for a huge deficit… On your face.”
“The thing about Bush’s are, we fuck everything, I mean anything, I mean… Nothing.”
“It’s your dick and you’re paying for it.”
“You fuck like a democrat.”

Sly

Sly Space Wranger in BoneCraft

Though a huge misunderstanding, Sly thought he was signing up for a fight but ended up a Wrangler. He keeps trying to explain this but the only word anyone can understand is ‘Adrian.’

“Pull down your pants and prepare to be judged.”
“They call me the Italian Stallion because I’m hung like a horse.”

Scotchy

Scotchy Space Wrangler from BoneCraft

After giving it all he had fixing faulty warp drives as Chief Engineer for Captain Jerk, he got tired of having to stay sober and left to join the drunkest squadron he could find.

“Okay I got to be honest, I don’t know how much she’s got, in fact I don’t even know who she is.”

James Boned

James Boned in BoneCraft

While infiltrating the Wranglers for MI-69, he blew his cover after a weeklong Scotch binge and decided the intelligence business had nothing on the search for intergalactic pussy.

“I like my cock shaken, not stirred.”
“You’re no prom queen, but I’m still a winner.”

Warboss Swampass

Orc Warboss Swampass in BoneCraft

An old friend of Fort’s from his days as a mercenary, Warboss Swampass is as horney as he is big. Known in every brothel through the galaxy as the career ender.

“An orc would fuck anything!”
“My perpetual drippy faucet, an orc’s pride and joy.”

Orc Women

Orc Women in BoneCraft

Since Orcan women don’t have much power within the tribe, they exert their influence by provoking battles between their men, where the loser has to watch his wife get fucked by the winner. As a result, most fights are started by wives who want to get laid by a larger orc.

“Check out me green pooper.”

“Okie-dokie, pokie-pokie.”

Honcho

Orc Honcho in BoneCraft

The leader of a group of Meatheads, Honchos are the biggest of the big, leading by pure strength and dick size dominance.

“Have shit pushed in by orc?”

Meatheads

Orc Meatheads in BoneCraft

Initiated into the Honcho’s gang, Meatheads are the biggest, dumbest orcs of their tribe.

“Poke, poke, poke. Don’t tell me wife.”

Mooks

Orc Mook from BoneCraft

Lowest on the food chain in Orcan society. Mooks don’t wear much, have the smallest dicks and have got a lot to prove.

“You like me pointy stick?”

The Elf Queen

The Elf Queen in BoneCraft

Head Fuck Mistress of the universe, she travels the galaxy with her court of Noble Hoity Toity elves in search of the mythical orgasm. Collector of the finest ho’s in the galaxy, she keeps a harem of Elves who she trains at the Golden Shower Brothel.

“Hold on there, wrangler. Don’t get your soldier too excited.”
“I hope this war has a happy ending.”

All Night Elves

All Night Elves in BoneCraft

All Night Elves are known for their great stamina and being active all night long.

“Power lies between my thighs.”

Pink Elves

Pink Elves in BoneCraft

It’s all pink on the inside… and in this case, the outside as well.

“Your pleasures are my demands.”

Blood Elves

Blood Elves in BoneCraft

Known as the bitchiest elves in the galaxy, they also seem incapable of being impregnated.

“Will you invade me?”

Hardwood Elves

Hard Wood Elves in BoneCraft

Known throughout the galaxy for their skills with hard wood, the Hard Wood Elves are masters of their craft.

“Imbibe me with your staff.”

The Headmaster

The Headmaster in BoneCraft

High Professor of Sexual Studies, the Headmaster is believed to be the foremost instructor of head in all the land. He is the on-site tutor for all the Queen’s ho’s.

“I am so not gay! I love women! I’m as straight as a huge uncut log in the Black Wirey forest of Musky land. How dare you! I fucking love chicks, if they’re dressed right.”

“I’m like morning wood Wrangler, there’s only one way to get rid of me.”

Elf Mages

Elf Mages in BoneCraft

The madams of the Golden Shower Elf Brothel, they take responsibility of the day-to-day teachings of the Queen’s whores.

“Hit me again, this time with feeling.”

Hoity Toity Elves

Hoity Toity Elves from BoneCraft

The nobles of the Queen’s Court, they live a privileged life and generally keep to themselves in the bathhouse, shunning any female presence.

“Make the switch, drop the bitch.”

The Very Merry Men

The Very Merry Elves from BoneCraft

From Not So Surewood Forest, the Very Merry Men have linked up with Twink on his quest.

“I hope you’re an organ donor because I’m looking for one in particular.”

Twink

Twink from BoneCraft

Having left his home to save the Princess–and then bone the fuck out of her–Twink is in search of the Three Triangles to aid in this quest.

“What’s the matter princess, can’t make your sword shoot?”

Darker Elves

Darker Elves in BoneCraft

The result of the mating of the Ebony Elves and the Nubian elves, the Darker Elves are the shadows of the woods. They blend into the darkness of the forest with only the whites of their eyes and teeth giving them away.

“That’s right, release your boys.”

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